Dillingham Crud

Yet another, yet another proverbial land mine stepped on. File this in the "Oh, by the Way" file, in the "Things to Look Out For" Department.

The locals call it "The Dillingham Crud".

Back in Iowa it would be called "a raging case of the flu". I fell ill on Saturday and just re-joined the living today. And that was only because for the past two days I steeped myself in baths as hot as I could stand them for at least a hour at a shot.

It hits you hard, fast and takes no prisoners. You can look forward to long days and nights of hacking up pounds of phlegm and small chunks of lung. I actually think drowning would have been a pleasurable change in breathing.

The thing that shocked the locals, and I kid you not, was that it took so long for me to come down with it. But I hear what you are thinking : What about Donna?

Shaddup.

That really pissed me off. Not so much as a sniffle for her. I get sucker-punched to death's door, knocking with both hands, and she tells me she has a minor sore throat. What. The. Hell? It's too bad my fever broke before she told me that, or I would go way, way, waaaaaaay the hell out of my way to breathe, sneeze or slobber all over her.

Would have served her right. ;-)

Not More of this Crap!

See what I have to put up with EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING :

Am I a lucky S.O.B., or what?

The Mighty Huntress

I have now seen the most awe-inspiring, vicious, merciless hunter on Earth in action. This hunter will stop at nothing - NOTHING! - while tracking prey. Patience, stamina, and above all else an uncanny ability to pounce at the precise moment to exact a kill... it's just a wonder to behold. So let me warn you, friends, to give this hunter a wide berth. This hunter's wrath will not be brooked should you block the path to the prey...

Yes, watching my wife shop on the internet is nothing short of watching a lion stalk dinner, but with more bloodshed and gore.

Those poor merchants will probably never know what hit them, for she has no mercy. Sale price?! HA! She laughs at what you call a sale price! She will ruthlessly shop until the very internet itself begs for mercy. You want to charge shipping for that? Woe unto you, foolish mortal, for you have just earned the wrath of a mighty huntress!

She leaves enough twisted wreckage and destroyed web-servers in her wake to make Jason Voorhees AND Freddy Kruger barf from the carnage. I'm not sure, but I think the bank has sent her a titanium debit card because the plastic ones kept melting down from overuse.

Riding the Storm Out

So it turns out we have ridden out our first storm in Alaska. It started about 36 hours ago, and is still raging outside even as I type these words. Were it not for the absence of power in our apartment when we woke up this morning, we never would have known of it.

"How can that be?" you ask.

Well, let's just say the threshold for what is and is not a storm is a bit lower in Dillingham than in Iowa. What we are being told by the locals is a storm is known by another name in Iowa :

Good kite flying weather.

I have been through some storms in Iowa where I was thanking God for inventing houses, and let me tell you - I wish ALL the storms in Iowa were this fierce. Which is to say, as hard as a rose petal. I imagine a sailboat would be able to cross the lake in record time, but storm? C'mon!

Thai A Yellow Ribbon

I just got word the Thai Inn (Dillingham's Finest Mexican Cuisine) is closing. Anyone wanting to lease and run a restaurant in Dillingham, Alaska just leave a message in the comments.

Fly Like an Eagle

So we were moving some things to our permanent home yesterday morning. I had my arms full and decided to test the laws of physics and gravity. Yep, they are still laws for a reason. 

I was almost down the flight of stairs when I missed one or three and took the remaining ones in a quite rapid fashion. Still, I took an opening to slow or stop my momentum and reached out just one-tenth of a second too late... and bounced off the walkway. However, I am happy to report that I stuck the landing!  It was olympic caliber, so long as by "olympic caliber" you mean "flat on my back, on a hill, with my legs still trying to obey the law of gravity by pulling me down the hill upside down". 

You would not believe how difficult it is to sit up, while going uphill. But I digress. 

Every cloud has a silver lining, except in this case it would appear my lining was solid 24K gold. The good news is my back has not felt this good in years. Had I known all the chiropractic care I paid for over the years could be bettered by throwing myself down a flight of stairs... well, I would have done it years ago. The bad news is the payment for this good fortune was ripping a good bit of skin off my hand right where the thumb connects to the rest of the hand. 

Remember earlier when I said I reached out? Yes, I tried to grab ahold of the edge of the walkway. The wooden edge. The dull as 10 pounds of wet leather until you frantically grab it to stop yourself from falling edge. Then it becomes more keen than any razor blade and takes the hide right off. 

So, no more back pain, but sharp pain from losing the first layer of skin from your palm/thumb. Hmmm... seems to be a fair trade to me.