Funny

I'm trying to decide which is funnier :

1. Trying to look all 'ghetto' and 'gansta' in Dillingham, Alaska

--  OR --

2. Trying to look all 'ghetto' and 'gansta' in Dillingham, Alaska while bottoming out your new, lowered "Gangsta" Ford Mustang on the many potholes.

I'm leaning towards # 2, especially when you add in the gut-wrenching sounds of metal being scraped and torn asunder from said Mustang. And trust me : I wasn't the only one laughing. The locals - both driving by and walking - were laughing at this idiot, too.

A Ford Mustang is about the most useless form of transportation in Dillingham under the best conditions here. There is about 3/4 of a mile of decent road where you could let that car run. The rest is low-speed corners and potholes.

I guess stupid thrives in every corner of the world.

Photo-Pa-Looza IV

The truck has been a real blessing, enabling us to explore more and newer frontiers. These pictures are a direct result of that freedom.

Think of this as the equivalent of Mad Creek, except it rises
and falls about 12 feet, twice a day. At low tide this is mostly
just mud. 

Ok, let this be proof we really are in Dillingham. :-)

Looking down on Dillingham (part of it) from the hills surrounding it.

Telephoto lenses are amazing tools. They let you take great
pictures from a respectful distance and keeps you out of harm's way.

I would say this is probably the last pay phone in America, except...

It's not a pay phone. It's just a regular phone. Go figure. 

Now that is a fishing boat. 

Photo-Pa-Looza III

We had some very kind, generous teachers loaned us their vehicle for a few weeks until we move into town. That enabled us to do a little more exploring, covering more ground than we could on foot. So we took advantage of the opportunity to go down and finally see Bristol Bay proper. 

The pictures can hardly capture the true beauty of it. Strangely, the water looks almost exactly like the Mississippi, just more of it. Well, I guess that would back up my theory that I always lived in Alaska, I just didn't know it. Maybe I should start referring to Iowa as the Alaska suburbs. :-)

These are pieces of art done by the Elementary children of Dillingham. They are hanging in the entryway to the Elementary school building. They were done under the guidance of an artist, but my understanding is the kids did all the heavy lifting themselves. I have been to the Art Institute of Chicago's museum, and I have to tell you: I saw a lot worse there. I was just floored when they told me the kids did these pieces.

One of the many fishing vessels you will see out on the bay on any given day.

We got buzzed by both, man and nature. Both equally curious. 

Views of the local fish cannery

This is our new chariot, which got us to the bay. It is a 1987 Mitsubishi Mighty Max pickup. It can go from 0 - 60... eventually. Actually, it's a darn sturdy little beast. What with all the dings, dents, and rust it has a fine coat of urban camouflage that fits right in Dillingham. Maybe it's just us, but we seemed to have picked up the locals are not trusting you if you have a new car, or one without... ummmm... a few battle scars.

It seems the locals - already a friendly, helpful bunch - became even more so in the past couple of days of driving it. Looks like they are starting to accept us as one of their own. :-)

It's Raining Again

Ok, just so we have a common frame of reference here, let's assume there are quite a few levels to rain :

1. Ah! That's refreshing.
2. Whoops! Better grab the umbrella.
3. It's coming down cats and dogs!
4. It's too wet to walk a duck!
5. Pair 'em up, Noah, one more time!

So what is the rain like in Dillingham? Weird, that's what. It's unlike any rain I have ever been through in my life. See, when it starts raining here it doesn't stop for the better part of a day. No, not just the daylight hours - the entire 24 hour enchilada. But that's not the weird part. The weird part is that it is more soaking than any rain I have ever been in.

Ok, so when we get a thunderstorm in Iowa, the rain may come down hard 'n' heavy for maybe 1/2 hour, then it moves on. I have seen all-day rains, but those were few and far between. No, the difference here is this is the most gentle soaking rain I have ever experienced. It's deceptive. You look out, and you can see it's raining by looking at the puddles, but when you look across the parking lot, you can't see hardly a thing.

Then you step out in it.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Before you know what has hit you, you're soaked. It feels so light, so gentle and so refreshing but it is literally the soaking of a billion drops. I have never seen water so densely packed outside of a swimming pool. It's quite literally like walking into the softest wall of water you can imagine. Now I know why everyone here has a rain suit, and why the rain doesn't bother them : they are dry.

It also explains why everything is always so green and lush here. The flora and fauna get all the water they need when it rains! The best thing about the rain, however, is it keeps the No-See-Ums at bay, which are in season right now.

On Shipping

Ok, so about half of our stuff we shipped via the US Post Office shortly before we boarded the plane showed up yesterday. Based on our experiences I have a few suggestions for those who may be thinking about moving to Dillingham :

1. A new motto for the Postal Service : Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow will stop us from beating the holy living hell out of your possessions.

2. No matter how much padding you think you have protecting your items, double it.

3. Double it again.

4. No, seriously. Double it again.

5. Make sure the shipping container is light as a feather, but at least 10 times the tensile strength of titanium. I am pretty sure titanium would just be seen as a temptation to the Postal Service.

6. Lower your expectations of when you think your things will arrive. Now lower them again. Now cut them in half.

7. Cut them in half again.

8. Can your expectations still be measured? Then they are way too high.

9. Never, ever ship anything which has the slightest possibility of breaking. Again, this is a temptation to the postal service. Only ship blocks of sturdy metals like steel, iron, or titanium.

10. Realize that no matter what you do, steps 2 through 10 will never, ever be enough to ensure your items arrive unmolested.

11. Be prepared to mortgage your house (or take out a second) to receive the above "service". I say cut out the middleman and just beat the holy living hell out of your own crap and take all the fun out of it for the Post Office before you ship it.

UPDATE : I should note the above does not mean to include the staff at the Post Office in Dillingham. They are all consummate professionals, and are a true credit to the Postal Service. It is the handlers in transit between Iowa and Dillingham who should be ashamed of themselves.

Important Knowledge

I found out today why there are precious few small dogs or cats here in Dillingham. Small being defined as "under 20 pounds", for all practical purposes. It would be the same reason the locals group them all together under one heading :

Eagle Bait.

So now you are up to speed. Apparently there are reports of eagles carrying off animals up to 15 pounds, but it is tantamount to an urban legend to have a 20 pound animal carried off. Brings a whole new perspective to the phrase "death from above".

Justice Alaska Style

Justice Alaska style looks a little bit like this :

Suspicious Person/Activity – An apartment manager, clearly frustrated by the number of non-tenants who park in his parking lot, used a front-end loader to remove an illegally parked vehicle and then block it in another space. The vehicle owner chose not to pursue charges in spite of the damage that was done to her vehicle.

Now you all know we have thought about, even fantasized about it. Come on - you know in your heart of hearts you are cheering for this apartment manager. Well, shame on you. You beat me to it.

This should show you where Unalaska is in relation to Dillingham (you might need to zoom out a couple of steps to see it, with point "B" being Dillingham) :


View Larger Map
Then there is this "big city" problem :

Harassment – A number of teenagers were involved in making vulgar and threatening remarks to and/or about one another, in person, via text and on Facebook. Officers contacted the youths and their parents regarding the problem.

Do you remember when kids played outside and talked smack to one another...y'know... face to face?