Calling It

No, there are no pictures of the dog-sled ride posted yet. No, we can't post any.

The great ride through the tundra was called on account of... rain. It was almost 40 degrees for a high temperature here in Dillingham today. I see that presently the temp is 10 degrees in Muscatine.

Not that I would rub it in or anything. Nope. Uh uh. Not me. No sirree, Bob! Negatory. Nein.

So the great ride has tentatively been rescheduled to Monday. That is :

IF the temperature takes a nose-dive, and

IF we get more snow, and

IF the rain stops melting the snow we have.

Now I know how disappointing it must be to play for the Chicago Cubs. ;-)

Kicking and Streaming

So...

My mission for the coming New Year is to drag the Queen kicking and streaming (no, that's not misspelled, it's called a P-U-N ;-) into the 21st Century. To that end, and many thanks to certain elves in Muscatine, I gifted the Queen one of these :

That, gentle reader, is a 21st Century miracle. Not only does it play good, ol' fashioned Vinyl discs, it plays CDs to boot! Replete with AM/FM radio and an input jack for playing your Apple iPod, it's a regular sonic Tour de Force. Did any of that impress the Queen? Not a chance. What did jingle her bells? Well, if you gander down the right side of the case, right next to the remote control, you will see a slot. A slot that plays something from the ancient past we used to call "cassette tapes".

Bingo! The Queen approved. Here I was throwing the Queen a lifeline to the 20th century (insert chorus from Handel's Messiah here)! Saints be praised!

(insert sound of record needle being dragged across the record here - if you are under 40, go ask your parents what that sounded like)

I know, gentle reader. You are sitting there having a conniption that all of that is 20th Century technology. Yes, you are right. But now is where I spring the trap, oh impatient one.

See, on the front are two slots that aren't 20th Century-mindset kosher. One belongs to a memory card, the other is a USB slot. What are they for, pray thee tell? Well, they are for taking the analog and converting to digital.

SNAP!

Trap sprung.

I have now removed all barriers stopping the Queen moving forward into the 21st Century. She can now convert ALL - and I mean ALL - her big, bulky ANALOG cassette tapes (ha!) to teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy DIGITAL ones and zeroes and cram them all in the Queen's iPod Nano. Now she is forced to relate to 21st Century technology, and we can reclaim a dump truck load a lot of space.

Sometimes the Lord takes pity on fools and technical geniuses named Buster. ;-)

Mush!

Well, I done gone and did it.

This is either going to be one of my better ideas, or a frostbitten lousy one. For the Queen's Christmas present I bought her a two-hour dog sled ride.

Two Hours.

In the frozen Alaska tundra.

In the middle of Winter.

Where even if the wind isn't blowing the phrase "wind chill" is still going to be in play.

That if we don't watch what we are doing, we are going to freeze our assets off.

Pulled by hyperactive canines that have running as their idea of a good time.

In my defense, it sounded like a really, really good idea while sipping hot chocolate in a 70 degree (with wind chill) apartment. Now? Not so much.

We have been warned that if we dress warmly enough, we will have a blast. If we don't we are going to be miserable. Ok, fair enough. I already have boots and a winter coat that are both rated to -40 F., so I think I am good to go. Donna also has a coat and boots rated to -40 F., so she should be set.

The plan is to take along two smartphones with video capability so we should have some awesome pictures and video that will let you know what it's like to drag your carcass across the frozen wastes of Alaska at up to 20 MPH. We will suffer, so you don't have to.

Lord, Toto... we're not in Kansas anymore. ;-)

There's No Place Like Nome

Due to popular demand, here are the pictures of the homestead :

Winter Wonderland

Well, it has finally started snowing in Dillingham. This makes an already pretty area just breathtaking :

That was taken at 5:51 p.m. in front of our apartment.

The back yard to our apartment

We have been going out and caroling while handing out home-made goodies to the families we visit. Donna helped make them, so you know they were good :

So, as you can see, the Christmas spirit is in full swing here in Dillingham. ;-)

A Tale of Two Sunrises

Ok. So the sun is rising later in the day, and not staying up as long either. Such is the way of Winter all over the North American continent. Then there is this sunrise :

That is the sun coming up on a city park here in Dillingham, and that is, in fact, the East and Juliet is the sun, as it were. So then no more than 10 seconds later I turned to the West and took this picture :

... where the sun was also rising. Whiskey. Tango. Hotel !? No, that wasn't light from the big tundra fire. That fire is now completely out, thanks to Mother Nature. As you can see from the first picture, the sun isn't quite above the horizon yet.

Buuuuuut, when you turn to the West, there appears to be MORE light. So... I don't suppose there are any astrophysicists or really good amateur astronomers out there who would care to explain what is going on?

Pun-t When You're Behind

So the Queen is reading this letter she received from the post office. I notice there is a bunch of glitter falling out of the envelope, and the letter itself, all over our apartment. I point out to the fair Queen this is a highly illegal thing to have happen.

She stops dead in her tracks. "What do you mean?"

Oh, come on gentle reader. Like you don't see this coming a mile away.

"Well," I replied, "After all, it is illegal to be glittering."

I might be back from sleeping on couch sometime next week.

Tote that Bale

All I can say is I am glad the queen is finally happy. She had been stalking her prey for a while, and the USPS finally delivered up the carcasses.

I speak, of course, about Fiesta Dinnerware.

The queen ordered said carcasses during the Great Hunt of 2012 detailed in an earlier posting. The USPS notified us we had a package and take a great big, wild guess who had to schlep said dead weight back to the Huntress' lair?

Me? I would have been happy with paper plates. Oh, no! If we are to establish a proper lair it will have proper dishes, lest the Huntress be thought a slovenly housekeeper. Can't have that sort of talk running around loose, now can we?

So I schlepped the lead weights dishes back from the post office. All 2,000 50 pounds worth. For four blocks. In a blinding snowstorm. Uphill, both ways!

Well, it felt like it. :-)

Run for Your Life!

I had my first run in with a wild animal on the way into work today. You know what? They really are more scared of you than you are of them. No, sadly, it wasn't a bear. It was a fox.

Well, I rounded the corner heading to work and there he was. He was intent on scrounging up a meal, and didn't seem the least bit interested in me... until I was inside his comfort "bubble". Now keep in mind this was still in the dark. He was vaguely aware of my presence until it got through to the hinterlands of his tiny little brain there was a dark, hulking mountain about to get very close to his person. So Mr. Wily Fox did what came natural.

He froze.

All animals become invisible when they freeze in place, of course. Except, I think, those who happen to be in the visual crosshairs of a human, who happens to be wearing an LED light which is now lighting Mr. Fox up like the 4th of July. Still, can't have him lurking about scaring women and children so I stomped my foot snarled at him in a most convincing fashion.

It was at this point Mr. Fox decided his invisibility cloak must have failed, because he went from a dead stop to about 60 MPH in .0001 seconds in any direction that wasn't towards me. It was like he decided to circumnavigate around me by deciding at any given moment what the odds were of dying if he continued into the darkness. So he would oscillate between heading starkly away from me, and kinda-sorta back in my general direction. The net result being, of course, a rambling circle around me and back to the ebon darkness from which he came.

He was a beautiful reddish-brown, but smaller than I would have believed a fox would be. Perhaps he was a young pup. I would say now, however, he is a born-again believer in glowing, snarling monsters that go stomp in the night.

Dillingham Crud

Yet another, yet another proverbial land mine stepped on. File this in the "Oh, by the Way" file, in the "Things to Look Out For" Department.

The locals call it "The Dillingham Crud".

Back in Iowa it would be called "a raging case of the flu". I fell ill on Saturday and just re-joined the living today. And that was only because for the past two days I steeped myself in baths as hot as I could stand them for at least a hour at a shot.

It hits you hard, fast and takes no prisoners. You can look forward to long days and nights of hacking up pounds of phlegm and small chunks of lung. I actually think drowning would have been a pleasurable change in breathing.

The thing that shocked the locals, and I kid you not, was that it took so long for me to come down with it. But I hear what you are thinking : What about Donna?

Shaddup.

That really pissed me off. Not so much as a sniffle for her. I get sucker-punched to death's door, knocking with both hands, and she tells me she has a minor sore throat. What. The. Hell? It's too bad my fever broke before she told me that, or I would go way, way, waaaaaaay the hell out of my way to breathe, sneeze or slobber all over her.

Would have served her right. ;-)

Not More of this Crap!

See what I have to put up with EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING :

Am I a lucky S.O.B., or what?

The Mighty Huntress

I have now seen the most awe-inspiring, vicious, merciless hunter on Earth in action. This hunter will stop at nothing - NOTHING! - while tracking prey. Patience, stamina, and above all else an uncanny ability to pounce at the precise moment to exact a kill... it's just a wonder to behold. So let me warn you, friends, to give this hunter a wide berth. This hunter's wrath will not be brooked should you block the path to the prey...

Yes, watching my wife shop on the internet is nothing short of watching a lion stalk dinner, but with more bloodshed and gore.

Those poor merchants will probably never know what hit them, for she has no mercy. Sale price?! HA! She laughs at what you call a sale price! She will ruthlessly shop until the very internet itself begs for mercy. You want to charge shipping for that? Woe unto you, foolish mortal, for you have just earned the wrath of a mighty huntress!

She leaves enough twisted wreckage and destroyed web-servers in her wake to make Jason Voorhees AND Freddy Kruger barf from the carnage. I'm not sure, but I think the bank has sent her a titanium debit card because the plastic ones kept melting down from overuse.

Riding the Storm Out

So it turns out we have ridden out our first storm in Alaska. It started about 36 hours ago, and is still raging outside even as I type these words. Were it not for the absence of power in our apartment when we woke up this morning, we never would have known of it.

"How can that be?" you ask.

Well, let's just say the threshold for what is and is not a storm is a bit lower in Dillingham than in Iowa. What we are being told by the locals is a storm is known by another name in Iowa :

Good kite flying weather.

I have been through some storms in Iowa where I was thanking God for inventing houses, and let me tell you - I wish ALL the storms in Iowa were this fierce. Which is to say, as hard as a rose petal. I imagine a sailboat would be able to cross the lake in record time, but storm? C'mon!

Thai A Yellow Ribbon

I just got word the Thai Inn (Dillingham's Finest Mexican Cuisine) is closing. Anyone wanting to lease and run a restaurant in Dillingham, Alaska just leave a message in the comments.

Fly Like an Eagle

So we were moving some things to our permanent home yesterday morning. I had my arms full and decided to test the laws of physics and gravity. Yep, they are still laws for a reason. 

I was almost down the flight of stairs when I missed one or three and took the remaining ones in a quite rapid fashion. Still, I took an opening to slow or stop my momentum and reached out just one-tenth of a second too late... and bounced off the walkway. However, I am happy to report that I stuck the landing!  It was olympic caliber, so long as by "olympic caliber" you mean "flat on my back, on a hill, with my legs still trying to obey the law of gravity by pulling me down the hill upside down". 

You would not believe how difficult it is to sit up, while going uphill. But I digress. 

Every cloud has a silver lining, except in this case it would appear my lining was solid 24K gold. The good news is my back has not felt this good in years. Had I known all the chiropractic care I paid for over the years could be bettered by throwing myself down a flight of stairs... well, I would have done it years ago. The bad news is the payment for this good fortune was ripping a good bit of skin off my hand right where the thumb connects to the rest of the hand. 

Remember earlier when I said I reached out? Yes, I tried to grab ahold of the edge of the walkway. The wooden edge. The dull as 10 pounds of wet leather until you frantically grab it to stop yourself from falling edge. Then it becomes more keen than any razor blade and takes the hide right off. 

So, no more back pain, but sharp pain from losing the first layer of skin from your palm/thumb. Hmmm... seems to be a fair trade to me.

Virtual Tour of Dillingham

Some people wanted a tour of Dillingham, and while I cannot (yet) upload a video of a tour, I can take a few pictures. So here you go, in no particular order : 

Views of the Middle / High School

The University of Alaska, Fairbanks - Bristol Bay Campus

Dillingham's only bank, and one of two national brands here.

NAPA, of course, being the other. 

The local hardware store. Look close and you will see the
McCain / Palin sign by the main entrance.

Two views looking down the main drag. 

The Dillingham Post Office, aka Alaska's version of Facebook.

The Dillingham Library and Sam Fox Museum

The Public Safety / DMV / Jail building. 

The Public hockey rink. Face it, what town is complete
without one of these?

Neqleq Variety Store. Think of it as
Dalton Humphrey's Everything Store. 

The Public Used Vehicle Lot, on the grounds of the
Public Hockey Rink. Makes sense to me.

Bristol Express. The town's one and only convenience store.
Because two blocks away is just too far to walk to get to a
grocery store. 

Dillingham's Fire Department

AC. One of two grocery stores. 

N & N. The other grocery store. 

The Muddy Rudder. I know you are thinking it's a hell
of a name for a bar. And you would be wrong.
This is a restaurant. 

Arctic Chiropractic.

City Hall

Dillingham Hotel

The Dillingham Nursing Home

The Dillingham Water Tower. We hope to be able to afford
the top of it some day. ;-)

The... not city, not county Courthouse

Another view of the Dillingham Schools Middle /
High School

Low tide. During high tide add about 20 feet of water to this.

Last, but not least, the Thai Inn. Where the menu consists
exclusively of the finest Mexican cuisine. Yep. A Thai
restaurant that serves only Mexican. I don't make the rules,
folks, I just do the reporting of them.

To your left of the main building is where our apartment is.
We should be moving in Saturday.